| Nov. 4th, 2005 @ 04:00 am TGIF |
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Thank GAWD it is Friday! Granted most don't get up at four am to exclaim this out loud but I couldn't sleep. I've got way too much on my mind. I did fall asleep early nine o'clock or so but four am came along with needing to use the bathroom desperately and well, here I am. I was tempted to take my Straterra early but decided to write it all out instead. My ADHD mind is working in hyper mode right now.
Life has also been in hyper mode it seems lately. I've been phenomenally busy. So much so I've barely had time to post in here which I miss greatly. This is my venting place. My place to come and let loose and let go. Once I write it out, I'm giving it up and out to the universe and to God/dess. I haven't taken the time to do this lately. I mean really do this. So...here goes.
As stated in previous posts, life is a bit dramatic now. And this is not meant to be taken in a negative sense. You'll see this in a moment or two. Some is depressing, some just laughable, and more that makes you smile.
Where to begin is the question. I'll start with explaining my stress a while back about the tenants who live downstairs from me on the second floor. I've lived in this house for nearly three and a half years. My mother is on the first floor. The people who used to live on the second floor were decent people who I hung out with from time to time. They recently got married and moved out into their own home back at the beginning of August. The end of August brought new tenants. A frumpy, overworked anti-social mother, her sixteen year old quiet reserved much like his mother son (sort of scary on the you don't want to know what he might be capable of look) and her daughter who is away at college most of the time. We basically just went our own socially polite ways.
Up until a couple weeks ago. Chris and I were having an intimate moment in our apartment, in bed, when the floor below us was banged on loudly. We were shocked to say nothing of having the moment ruined! I didn't say anything to my mother and we went on with the week. Saturday night we figured we'd be quieter and go in the living room instead of the bedroom because the bed does make noise. Well, just as we enjoyed our climax together we got a pounding again...from the floor below. I was pissed.
The next day when I was talking with my mother, she told me the tenant was at her door. C never said anything to her right then because my children were there. My mother asked me what she might want. I told her flat out what had happened. My mother laughed. She gently reprimanded me...until C got ahold of her. Then my mother was pissed. She said we all were making WAY too much noise up here. The kids and having an added child on the weekend, made so much noise, the people downstairs felt we were doing it deliberately. And the SEX! Well, that happened TOO much and was TOO noisy! My mother told me the tenants threatened to move out if it all didn't stop.
Now at this time I'd been upset over my job...still. V had and is depressed over her boyfriend moving out and back with his ex and calling me for support. My brother had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and would be needing surgery. Chris and I were about to loose the house we had fallen in love with. Now I was being told that we were awful people. Okay, I took it a bit on the extreme but it was a bit overwhelming at this point.
Chris and I just decided to work with the kids to have them tone it down. Also, neither of us felt comfortable getting intimate in the house, not because we cared what they thought but because we just didn't want to deal with any crap from them. I wanted out of here and still do very badly.
The days went on and stress increased over the house we wanted. Frankly we weren't going to be able to get it at the price the people were asking. I thought Chris was teasing me when he said the sellers changed their tune. They came back at the price we could get it and all was wonderful again. We are going forward finally. The inspection on it is today at 11 am. I can't wait. I have wanted so much to see it again but didn't want to get my hopes up. Much of this rests on Chris' shoulders because he still has to sell his house along the shore. I don't want him to feel any more stress than he already feels. I'm trying so hard not to put any more on him.
So I continue my venting. I took a test online for a position I'm interested in. I passed with flying colors. I have just been so busy at work I haven't had time to go in and meet the people face-to-face. That is later today at 4 pm. Getting an idea as to why I am up at now ten to five? I'm really excited about this career opportunity.
Lets see where were we? Oh, my brother. I found out also in this same time frame that my brother would be going in for surgery to remove the growths as it was called by my family. I didn't have a chance to get over to see my brother and come last Friday when I called for and update I'd wished that I had. He informed me that he would be going into the hospital on Tuesday and on Wednesday would be in surgery having the tumor removed from his brain. It would be major surgery with the surgeon opening his brain cavity to remove it...possibly rendering him completely blind (he has RP retinitus pigmentosa), causing a stroke, or worse. It also possibly would be just fine.
The weekend went on. I spent it with Chris at his house. Chris was so sick. He had a fever and the shakes and my not being in my element felt really scared. I didn't know what to do for him. Didn't know the area where he lives to go get anything. I didn't know how to take care of him and for me that is not a good thing. I, a Virgo, need to be able to take care of those I love. He did a good job of taking care of himself. I just made sure I was there if he needed anything.
By Sunday night, when the kids got home, I just wanted to snuggle with them and not go anywhere. They were so excited about Halloween. Me? I was too absorbed in the stress to pay much attention to my children. I can't remember a time when I've gotten so far away from being the stress-free, laid back, take things as they come and let it roll off like water on a ducks back type of gal. I realized this when the whole thing happened with my ex on Monday morning. He went off on me about my brother. I posted about it the other day. I just finished my work for the day and went to my daughter's school.
I spent an hour with her class celebrating Halloween. I loved it. It has been so long since I've had the chance to be a class parent. I missed it so much! Her teacher is adorable. Young (23) but sweet. She's about four feet ten inches so I tower over her. My daughter is close to doing this as well. The kids had such a great time. I got to see Adam, a little boy my daughter has been in the same class with since Nursery school and has a crush on. It made me smile. The DQ got a nice Halloween bag of goodies from her fifth grade buddy Chris, a boy. Its not like that! Atleast that is what she says.
I went on about the rest of my week feeling stressed about my brother but not wanting to dwell on it. I saw him Monday night before he went into the hospital. I found out I'm once again on the shit list with that side for not having come over sooner. My other brother who just got married even stayed here instead of going back to Florida after his honeymoon but I didn't show up. I got in just in the nick of time I guess. I told my parents Chris and I are moving in together as well. I figured the timing wasn't great but atleast I don't have to deal with a ton of questions.
Tuesday came. This was Chris' birthday. Which I didn't get to spend with him, but I was aware of this before hand. I was okay with it. Only for this year. He was supposed to spend it with his daughter which unfortunately didn't happen because he was so sick. I felt horrible that he didn't get to be with her on his birthday. He did get to spend some time with her on Wednesday but not nearly enough. He's finally starting to feel better but he's been so sick for a week it has drained him. I want so much to take care of him and help him heal. It is so tough though when I'm not grounded.
I told my work about my brother. They appeared supportive. Appeared being the operative word. Today I got written up for not returning a phone call to one of my clients. Which interestingly enough appears that someone else got the message and didn't tell me about it. However, I'm always wrong. When it comes to my boss, he is always right and never wrong. Never makes a mistake. Oh wait. Never makes more than two daily. Usually real fuck ups but I'm the one who gets written up. Not the other sales rep who didn't do ANYthing all year but continously got away with it because he is best buds with my boss. Still gets anything he wants because of this. No there is no favoritism where I work. Right. It goes back to that male/female thing. Something like that. Though now there is a new woman in the sales department. I think my boss has a crush on her. She as well can do no wrong...she's new. Though with other new people, when they screw up, they are wrong. Whatever. I spoke with the client and dealt with it. He had to change his write up to reflect that because he wasn't aware of that. I'm just disgusted all around. No communication, constant changes, no stability. I just don't like it anymore. Too much negativity on top of it with people talking negatively. Me now included. Well, not anymore since I've purged it here. I have just one more thing. My boss says to me, "Is there anything in your personal life that is affecting your work?" I just looked at him and tears welled up. I couldn't believe with him knowing what was going on with my brother he'd have the insensitivity to ask that question. I'm just dumbfounded.
So I worked my ass off all day yesterday and didn't even take a lunch. There was an issue with one of my clients that had been partially taken care of by said boss above but not communicated to me nor the client (just someone at his office) that I needed to deal with. It was right near the time I'd had the moment with my boss and he'd then taken off for the day to no one knows where. Now this on a day that two key people were out of the office. Oh but wait, I was there to pick up the slack. The new girl...the new sales manager but the boss is being coy about disclosing that info, has the gall to say to me, "You need to put your feelings aside and focus on the client." I was pissed even more by that statement. My whole focus was the client. I was working on it. She had no clue. She had just walked in. I just wanted to walk out. I was overwhelmed again. I just turned away from her and finished dealing with the situation. I had to ignore her. I figured out that she is part of the reason I got written up.
This brings us to about 4:30 when I should have left at 4 for not taking a lunch and starting the day as early as I had. I started to finish up. I got out by 4:45. I went to get sushi from P. Gawd that little chef is so awesome. It was as if he knew I'd had a horrible day! He made me such a wonderful sushi dinner. I wish I was hungrier. With all the crap that has been going on, so many wonderful things have been happening. I just need to focus on those things.
Homework with my daughter has gotten to be so much better especially since conferences when I got to talk things over with her teacher. Things with my ex are great now that I only deal with him through email or his girlfriend. My son got a fantastic report on Wednesday from his teacher at conferences. He is changing so much in a positive way it is wonderful. We got to go to the premier of Chicken Little on Wednesday which was a lot of fun.
My daughter is in a wedding next weekend. I've got two new friends who are the parents of one of my daughter's classmates. They are getting married next Saturday. It will be my first gay wedding. They have gotten me involved in the wedding as well. We will be going to the Hartford Polo Club (a gay cabaret club-no children)after for the reception. I love these two. R is just so great to me. He's so happy for Chris and I too.
In three weeks, Chris is whisking me off on a grand adventure. He finally told me where we are going. He's taking me here. I can't wait!! There are so many exciting things we're going to do there!
Then when we get back...we will be closing on the house! Moving in shortly thereafter. Then comes the holiday season!! WOOHOO!!!
So with all this craziness going on...there are so many wonderful things happening as well. Plus I'm not feeling good today so I don't thing I should go to work. It is Friday. If I'm not feeling well, I might as well end the week today and feel better. Another good thing!
I can only look at the bright side...its prettier.
Besides...I'm in love. Life is just beautiful! And I'm focusing on grounding myself. Wish me luck today with the home inspection and my interview! |
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kalypsorx's journal
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